Matrimonial.. matrimonial !!

After getting so many threatening calls from my mother that I should help her in searching for a bride for my brother. I finally registered a profile in a matrimonial site to help him out. This is Ultimate...... I bet u can't stop laughing. These are profiles taken from $#@@*!.com (Can't write the site name here). These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spelling errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart. My comments are in italic. Your comments will be appreciated.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this post..
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Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore .. if u like me u welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter..

Thanks
yours Regards Sowmya ~*~

(Truly yours)
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i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework

What Homework???
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I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love.I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on........hold my hand forever !!!

(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

i am simple girl. I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck. now i am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot

(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)

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i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast

(by not wearing his jeans? What the hell...)
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HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY THEY ARE
1. THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION
3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.

(all of us are loughing {laughing})
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whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be called the man of the lamp

(Bhagwaan !! I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)
Infact she doesn't know wat she wants ?.. ? A LAMP ? ?
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i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok

(I am again clueless but I liked the use of 'ok'. The person is Suffering from 'Ok-syndrome')
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iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & Mother. sister completely married

(somebody please explain how to get married completely'?)
( Confused ????? )
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my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

Height of desperation!
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iam kanandevi. i do own businas.one sistar.he was marred.

(No comments)
(Plz for gods sake ask somebody's help in framing sentence )
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hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily.i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ....

(but credit cards not accepted..???)
(Perhaps Debit Cards accepted ?.. Clean Habit's??????? Is there
anything like that.)
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I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service.

Zebra..???)
(Gosh!!!!!!!! she knows her heart color
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Hi, I am Sitalakshmi MBA , he should be superstar , loving, caring and daring.He should have big mustache, A person from south Indian orthodox family will be romba romba shwagatham..

Duhh…Veerappan is no more ! and MBA is your initials or degree??

I finally close the window and log on to orkut. aah !! sorry momma can't help you !

I the Tom Hanks !!

If someone sets a hidden camera on me these days,what he would end up having is a documentory on "a man's struggle for roti-kapda and makan".The film would be much boring than the art films we used to watch in DD1 when we were in primary schools.Apart from one or two STD calls(say for 45 mins),there is not a single minute in the remaining 1395 minutes that would appeal the audience.There was a time(in 2002-03-04) where a film on my daily life would have earned anyone an Oscar.There was comedy,drama(by some of our college deans) ,dance , music,cricket,suspense(exam results) and even action(yes!I represented my college in a fight with the nearby gaonwallahs).Yes!one element was still missing,but even that was compensated with the regular 9 to 10 shows in Haflang's computer.But within 2 years everything met with a "Napoleon fate".And my waterloo was awaiting me in Bangalore. Today I see myself as the Tom Hanks of "Cast Away".The excitement in my life means "kya aaj mera daal achcha banega?".Fun in my life means Star-one 10:00 PM--where Vinay Pathak and co do the same to bollywood/politicians that we used to do to our friends in college.Exercise means "washing 10 shirts on Sundays".2 years back I never thought that I would be cooking daal-chawal 'mere apne haathon se' someday.My friends(who were much more well informed than me) told me that life in a metro rocks....'Abey just go outta college!!phir dekhna kya mast life hein'....I promise I would keep pet dogs in the name of everyone who told me that.But I am not sad about all these.Coz another element that has vanished from the movie is 'emotions':-).Seems like I have turned into a robot--who wakes up 5 minutes past his official office time.Then curses himself for once again forgetting to bring biscuits for breakfast.Then with "khali pet" drives his 'Palio' to office at 40 kmph(I think my lifestyle deserves a Bajaj Boxer or a Hero Majestic rather than a Car)...then blends himself into work for the next 10-11 hours.When I come home,my bed,my tables-chairs shout,"goonga aa gaya, goonga aa gaya"[coz they hardly see me speaking]...I pickup my mobile and go to the roof...when I come down, my experiment with daal-chawal begins....hei!I have had some findings yaar--if u add 2 onions instead of 1 in daal,uska taste ekdam sonu nigam ke acting skills jaisa ban jata hein(remember love in nepal,jaani dushman)....on the other hand,in chicken,the more the onion,better the taste....also kabhi bhi tomatto ko dusre cheezon ke saath nahin rakhne ka....sala jaldi marta hein...aur unke dead bodies ke saath sone mein aloo-pyaaj logon ko darr lagega na...waise I have some findings in the 'challenging field of washing' also...like...the collars and the hands are the most vulnerable areas for 'meil'...so u better use brushes to clean those areas....also ARIEL has a better smell than surf....toh dekha!there are advantages of staying alone...aur bhi bahut saare advantages are there...I will tell u later....

Epitome of sin...

I feel beautiful..Have you ever tried to feel? sleeping under a warm blanket and listening to the sound of the rain that creating a music outside in a constant scale. Just woke up very early in the morning standing at the corner of the terrece.. feeling the cool breeze with your arms wide open.. sitting at the hill top rock your legs are hanging talking with the stars and sipping your favorite beer.. found an old picture in a old file when you were searching for an important document.. The feelings, the Kodak moments you kept in your memory just money can't buy...

Hmmm…chalo aaj ke liye bohot huwa kal try karonga -I shut down my laptop and got ready for the Yogi’s party.

Yogender Bedi was my Manager. Office mein Boss aur bahar we were friends. He was the coolest manager I have ever encountered. He was 4-5 years older than me. He was throwing a party at night at his residence after the farewell at office. He had a nice offer from a US company.

I reached very late at his house as there were auto rickshaw problem that day and were seen very less at the street. By the time I reached my other colleagues were high with the tequila shots and fine Scottish whisky. I took some shots and was feeling the wave.
Charlie was total out that day…puked 2-3 times.

We winded up everything at 1, Yogi had to drop Charlie.
Bangalore was sleeping that time. There was a theater near to Yogi’s place. I went there hoping would get an auto and there was a bus stoppage also. I thought if I don’t get rickshaw definitely will get bus. That theater was showing a adult movie I looked at the poster pyasi sheela part 2 .the crowd I found surroundings was a bit abnormal as comparison..

Hogo alle gaadi ide... hogo – a person dressed like a cop told me to board on a 407 traveler bus.
Hey man real cop.. enn sir.. enn aitu? what did I do sir?
English nalli mathadthane..chal chal gadi mein beth…tum log hi Bangalore naam kharab karta -he pushed me into that bus.
I was wondering what was happening. Then I saw 5-6 constables pushing 20-30 people from the theater. I was the first one who was in the bus within 2-3 minutes the bus was full.

Hum kaha ja rahe hai sir?
Police station da, galiza galiza picture dekhta tum aa?- the policeman gave a nice sarcastic smile.

Later I came to know the cops raided that theater and arrested who were inside and watching pyasi sheela and those who were searching tuktuks at that bus stop.
I dialed” Hello Yogi…m stuck man.where are you?.. I explained him..

Thank god Yogi came at the right moment and signed on couple of papers ..The circle inspector bailed me after giving a long lecture..starting from responsible citizen to sexuality,society,crime and every possible topics.

So, how was the Pyasi Sheela part 2??Ha ha ha… you should have told me man. I know a DVD library and that fellow got nice collection… He started the car to drop me home.
Come on Yogi .. I went inside the theater compound to light a fag.. and that paanwalla was saying “picture super hit hai sir..maine char bar dekha”
We really laughed out loud.

My Jacket

Chiti kodi sir!
one KR puram- I gave him 10 rupees and said. The conductor was sober... Actually I found him sober because he didn't ask me back "Enno??,Dus rupaya mein tereko pura KR puram chahiye??.
uff the traffic in bangalore is increasing day by day like Himesh Reshamiya's emotional songs. You have to face, you just can’t ignore as all the channels into a unspoken competition to play his songs You are just a helpless spectator..
After standing a long 5 minutes I finally got a seat when the bus halted at a stop...I put my jacket off and kept on my lap...aah what a relax. .The crowd inside the bus and traffic outside the bus was awesome.. Thank god now I can go aaram se till KR Puram..
A small girl age of 3-4 years was standing near to me with her mother. Both were well dressed, Girl was so cute and she has smiling eyes. I gave her a nice half open smile and looked outside of the bus. I have a very bad(?) habit of reading sign boards when I travel in a bus or car, where I am not driving.
“Excuse me baya (bhaiya) “ her mother said with a big colgate smile.
Yes – I said with an attitude that I can’t leave the seat for you now.
“choti bachhi ko asthama hee(hain) baya..manje maloom whitefield mein accha doctor rehti so(rehta hain),bachhi ko waha tak godi mein bethaleko baya” she merely said in a Shivaji Nagar accent.
I showed I have a bag and a jacket.. How can I…….
“Kya bi ni hota,bag aur jacket manje de dalo”
I gave my bag and the jacket to her and “ bachhi ko bethaliya sath mein.”
After some time she got a seat in the third row from my seat.. I was not having any problem with the little girl so I did not tell anything to her mother.
Uff another half an hour to reach KR puram.. Crowd was still same in bus arre channe ke tarah pakk gaya hu yarr..ye log kab utrenge???
“Whitefield whitefield” the bus conductor loaded his voice.
Most of the crowd got down at whitefield stoppage..but where is she??? I could not found that lady inside the bus. I was scared...then a huge lady who was seating near to the most wanted lady at that time for me came to me and said “thanks appa,has she irritated you?”
Magu navu illi iliona......( come child we will get down here).She pulled her child from my lap.

I was speechless just wondering why this lady telling thank you and asking the girl to come with her. I could not make out what exactly was happening.
“we will get down here, that lady was so sweet the place was very congested where I was seated she only came to me and helped me”
She said very confidently and got down from the bus.