Saturday, December 13, 2008

But it rained !!

[Have written this post for the "rain drenched lounge contest " at writers lounge.]

kahin building kahin Traame, kahin motor kahin mill
miltaa hai yahaan sab kuchh ik miltaa nahin dil
insaan kaa nahin kahin naam-o-nishaan
ai dil hai mushkil jeena yahaan
zaraa hatke zaraa bach ke....
Hari Singh switched on the radio and lighted the kerosene stove. The evening is going as usual for him like always except a lil downpour; it is unusual for Bangalore to rain in the month of December. Hari always comes to the corner with his thela(pushing cart), which is open from oneside and which has 4 wheels to move, he sells pani puri,masala puri,hot besan pakoras etc. He comes only for 2 hours to the corner situated between a mall in the right side and a cinema hall in the left side and his place is accessible for both the crowds. He was quite a popular guy in that place. The other hawkers sell chats all day long but Hari comes for 2 hours and makes more bucks than them. So, the fellow hawkers were jealous of him. But he never cares who thinks what. He invests 400rs everyday and makes 800rs,a 50-100rs more or less someday. He makes 350-400rs profit including 30rs to the police constable everyday. He never mind to give him 30rs for this place, it’s really worth it, if he would have asked 50rs, Hari would have given that too. Hari stays near Tilaknagar police station with his wife Sinduri and his 3years old son Ganesh and that corner is very near to his place. So he wakes up late start preparing his stuff from 3 o’clock, by 5 he finishes everything and reaches the corner at 6 everyday.
Today, customers are less.. yeah because of the rain but it does not bother him much, only thing he has to do is to extend half an hour to get finished his stuffs.
It started raining heavily..Duhh have to wait more time. He saw the policeman is coming towards him. he took 30rs and kept aside.
"Abbey tera thela kal se najar nahi aana chahiye yaha pe ,wo minister log yaha pe ek smarak banayenge english mein boleto pakki road naming board ..iss jagah ka naam aab hoga Kumarkrupa Marg..samjha..'KK Marg' chal ek masalapuri bana…khara jaasti!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Bechara Alzheimer !!

Another month another electricity bill, water bill,cable bill,paper bill,broadband bill, month so many bills.. I made note on a piece of paper along with the monthly grocery chit..After paying all the bills i went to a grocery shop for the final task,Did i miss something?? my girl thinks ki mujhe 'Black' movie mein Amitabh ko jo 'bhool ne ki' beemari lagi thi,woh lag gayi hein.'Alzheimer's desease'--thatz how they named it.Bechara Alzheimer,I don't think bachpan mein usne kabhi bhi socha hoga ki his name will be associated with a 'bhoolne ki beemari'--jaroor usne kisi interview mein 'what's ur father's name?' question ke time wall ki taraf dekh kar nakhoon chabaya hoga.And the interviewers would have declared,'aaj se bhool ne ki beemari ko log tere naam je janenge'.Toh my girl thinks that this desease has caught me too.And she has her reasons to think so.I don't forget the anniversaries or birthdays--come on yaar!aaj kal mobile phone ke jamane mein koi yeh sab bhoolta hein kya?--but I do struggle to figure out who Tuku dada is when she says,'tuku dada's bhabi came today.she was asking about you.'I immediately pray god to flash a photograph in front of my eyes where Tuku dada is happily holding his wife and both telling me 'hum tere hone wale yeh hein-woh hein'.But miracles happen very rarely, and more so with students who were 'less than average' in History.Very often,despite my greatest acting skills,I get caught and this results in a abrupt disconnection of the phone line.My tongue does release some special words of gratitude for Tuku dada and his wife,but koi fayda nahin....And not just in personal life,I think Alzheimer's ghost(assuming he is dead) is around me all the while.Very often I come out of shops without making payments,only to hear a 'Chiranjeevi**' look alike shouting from behind,'hei!hei...o sahab!mere paise' if I have just robbed him.Yes! it's quite embarrassing for many,but not 4 me--coz I am quite used to it.yes!I am used to such a stupid thing.And it happens the other way around as well.Matlab paise deke, sanyashi type--jisko sansar ke moh maya mein koi interest nahin-- I come out without bothering to pick the 'saman' I paid for.And again the 'south superstar' shouts,'Oh sahab! aap ka bag...sahab!' if I intentionally left a bag,containing 'RDX' in his shop....'RDX' se yaad aya...I need to buy 'good night'--'mosquito party' is having a ball out there in my house these days..err...nights...toh m leaving....

**Those who don't know 'Chiranjeevi'--lemme help u out--apne bollywood ka irfan khan hein na(haan!wohi crazy4-wala)....usko moustache laga do--ab uske mooh me cycle pump laga kar jitna ho sake hawa bhar do...the 'foola hua version of' irfan khan is 'Chiranjeevi'...ekdam same 2 same...

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Not at all bakwas!!

A black day! Assam on 30/10 which paralyzed in shock all Assamese people across the globe. Bomb blasts have always been a ‘aam’ news for all Indians now a days but what happened this time, 18 high intensity blasts rocked which is first in Assam terrorism history moreover it is the attack on the spirit and hope of the people of the state. They were experiencing peace after a couple of decades. Now who is responsible for vanishing everyone’s hope? Yes we have the new band of boys in town trained in Bangladesh, in some of the districts of Assam Bangladeshis are in majority, amazing!! Thanks to the bloody politics, who use Bangladeshi illegal immigrants as their vote banks! Its time to wake up Mr. CM.

[Video language is in Assamese,you may not understand,Check the footage]

Thursday, October 16, 2008

No bad habits!

Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.
Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you."
"I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.
The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.
The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."
The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".
The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".
The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".
As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."
Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man,
"Why do you want me to go to your house with you".

The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad habits looks like."

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Keep rolling !!

How many people like long hair? I like! I chopped couple of times it very small, once when I saw Himesh Reshammiya on Karzzzz ( he may be does not know zzz’s are sleeping symbols) Anyways I could figured out why I've had so many jobs in my life, firstly having long hair every morning you have the golden three words “ Dhona , Sukhana and Banana” . Secondly khana banana , Thirdly washing cloths ( I have a full length post on khana banana and vital clues on washing cloths, check my “ I the Tom Hanks’ post but luckily have owned a washing machine now ). Next comes weekend plans as I stay alone and single. (Committed folks never have a chance for weekend plannings, he only follows. Experienced from my ex-loves) .Next comes office ! (My only roti, kapda and makan ka sadhan ). Then my boss, making him ullu for offs and leaves. He finds a happy soul in me as he was not. Am I happy?? It's because I smile a lot and say funny things and that really pisses people off. I tried to find why my boss is not happy ..yesh ( again I am adding one more job here) ..but I did! I went for a drink with him; I heard it’s an easier way to break out someone’s silence. After three pegs he broke. He lit a fag and said
“My parents did not understand me and I got married, now she is also not happy. I told them so many times I have no interest on girls. God created me like this what could I do?
When I became manager of your team, I felt for you. Guys with long hair make me crazy.
I had no words to tell him. “ Gay” my goodness.( Don't misunderstand me here , I am just shocked ) .I was in bad situation from that day I had to listen to him, I could not support him, he may think it other way and I can’t say its wrong or avoid him. I had quit my job(not really for that reason) and again added one more job! to find a job…and I chopped off my hair again . Because I had a nightmare with his words “Guys with long hair make me crazy”.But the best two words I know “Move on “

[Doped two joints, rolling d next one ....]

Life ki in side ko tu jaanle
Wrong mein hain right, yeh tu maanle
Speed breaker mein speed hai…… !!
Haar mein bhi kabhi jeet hai,
Paharomein laga huwa jo weed hai !!
So,Keep rolling !!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Matrimonial.. matrimonial !!

After getting so many threatening calls from my mother that I should help her in searching for a bride for my brother. I finally registered a profile in a matrimonial site to help him out. This is Ultimate...... I bet u can't stop laughing. These are profiles taken from $#@@*!.com (Can't write the site name here). These are actual ads on a matrimony site. Grammar and spelling errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart. My comments are in italic. Your comments will be appreciated.

Disclaimer: I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this post..
Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore .. if u like me u welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter..

yours Regards Sowmya ~*~

(Truly yours)
i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework

What Homework???
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love.I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on........hold my hand forever !!!

(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)

i am simple girl. I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck. now i am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot

(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)

i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast

(by not wearing his jeans? What the hell...)

(all of us are loughing {laughing})
whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be called the man of the lamp

(Bhagwaan !! I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)
Infact she doesn't know wat she wants ?.. ? A LAMP ? ?

i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok

(I am again clueless but I liked the use of 'ok'. The person is Suffering from 'Ok-syndrome')
iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & Mother. sister completely married

(somebody please explain how to get married completely'?)
( Confused ????? )

my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

Height of desperation!
iam kanandevi. i do own sistar.he was marred.

(No comments)
(Plz for gods sake ask somebody's help in framing sentence )

hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily.i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ....

(but credit cards not accepted..???)
(Perhaps Debit Cards accepted ?.. Clean Habit's??????? Is there
anything like that.)

I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service.

(Gosh!!!!!!!! she knows her heart color

Hi, I am Sitalakshmi MBA , he should be superstar , loving, caring and daring.He should have big mustache, A person from south Indian orthodox family will be romba romba shwagatham..

Duhh…Veerappan is no more ! and MBA is your initials or degree??

I finally close the window and log on to orkut. aah !! sorry momma can't help you !

Saturday, July 12, 2008

I the Tom Hanks !!

If someone sets a hidden camera on me these days,what he would end up having is a documentory on "a man's struggle for roti-kapda and makan".The film would be much boring than the art films we used to watch in DD1 when we were in primary schools.Apart from one or two STD calls(say for 45 mins),there is not a single minute in the remaining 1395 minutes that would appeal the audience.There was a time(in 2002-03-04) where a film on my daily life would have earned anyone an Oscar.There was comedy,drama(by some of our college deans) ,dance , music,cricket,suspense(exam results) and even action(yes!I represented my college in a fight with the nearby gaonwallahs).Yes!one element was still missing,but even that was compensated with the regular 9 to 10 shows in Haflang's computer.But within 2 years everything met with a "Napoleon fate".And my waterloo was awaiting me in Bangalore. Today I see myself as the Tom Hanks of "Cast Away".The excitement in my life means "kya aaj mera daal achcha banega?".Fun in my life means Star-one 10:00 PM--where Vinay Pathak and co do the same to bollywood/politicians that we used to do to our friends in college.Exercise means "washing 10 shirts on Sundays".2 years back I never thought that I would be cooking daal-chawal 'mere apne haathon se' someday.My friends(who were much more well informed than me) told me that life in a metro rocks....'Abey just go outta college!!phir dekhna kya mast life hein'....I promise I would keep pet dogs in the name of everyone who told me that.But I am not sad about all these.Coz another element that has vanished from the movie is 'emotions':-).Seems like I have turned into a robot--who wakes up 5 minutes past his official office time.Then curses himself for once again forgetting to bring biscuits for breakfast.Then with "khali pet" drives his 'Palio' to office at 40 kmph(I think my lifestyle deserves a Bajaj Boxer or a Hero Majestic rather than a Car)...then blends himself into work for the next 10-11 hours.When I come home,my bed,my tables-chairs shout,"goonga aa gaya, goonga aa gaya"[coz they hardly see me speaking]...I pickup my mobile and go to the roof...when I come down, my experiment with daal-chawal begins....hei!I have had some findings yaar--if u add 2 onions instead of 1 in daal,uska taste ekdam sonu nigam ke acting skills jaisa ban jata hein(remember love in nepal,jaani dushman)....on the other hand,in chicken,the more the onion,better the taste....also kabhi bhi tomatto ko dusre cheezon ke saath nahin rakhne ka....sala jaldi marta hein...aur unke dead bodies ke saath sone mein aloo-pyaaj logon ko darr lagega na...waise I have some findings in the 'challenging field of washing' collars and the hands are the most vulnerable areas for 'meil' u better use brushes to clean those areas....also ARIEL has a better smell than surf....toh dekha!there are advantages of staying alone...aur bhi bahut saare advantages are there...I will tell u later....

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Epitome of sin...

I feel beautiful..Have you ever tried to feel? sleeping under a warm blanket and listening to the sound of the rain that creating a music outside in a constant scale. Just woke up very early in the morning standing at the corner of the terrece.. feeling the cool breeze with your arms wide open.. sitting at the hill top rock your legs are hanging talking with the stars and sipping your favorite beer.. found an old picture in a old file when you were searching for an important document.. The feelings, the Kodak moments you kept in your memory just money can't buy...

Hmmm…chalo aaj ke liye bohot huwa kal try karonga -I shut down my laptop and got ready for the Yogi’s party.

Yogender Bedi was my Manager. Office mein Boss aur bahar we were friends. He was the coolest manager I have ever encountered. He was 4-5 years older than me. He was throwing a party at night at his residence after the farewell at office. He had a nice offer from a US company.

I reached very late at his house as there were auto rickshaw problem that day and were seen very less at the street. By the time I reached my other colleagues were high with the tequila shots and fine Scottish whisky. I took some shots and was feeling the wave.
Charlie was total out that day…puked 2-3 times.

We winded up everything at 1, Yogi had to drop Charlie.
Bangalore was sleeping that time. There was a theater near to Yogi’s place. I went there hoping would get an auto and there was a bus stoppage also. I thought if I don’t get rickshaw definitely will get bus. That theater was showing a adult movie I looked at the poster pyasi sheela part 2 .the crowd I found surroundings was a bit abnormal as comparison..

Hogo alle gaadi ide... hogo – a person dressed like a cop told me to board on a 407 traveler bus.
Hey man real cop.. enn sir.. enn aitu? what did I do sir?
English nalli mathadthane..chal chal gadi mein beth…tum log hi Bangalore naam kharab karta -he pushed me into that bus.
I was wondering what was happening. Then I saw 5-6 constables pushing 20-30 people from the theater. I was the first one who was in the bus within 2-3 minutes the bus was full.

Hum kaha ja rahe hai sir?
Police station da, galiza galiza picture dekhta tum aa?- the policeman gave a nice sarcastic smile.

Later I came to know the cops raided that theater and arrested who were inside and watching pyasi sheela and those who were searching tuktuks at that bus stop.
I dialed” Hello Yogi…m stuck man.where are you?.. I explained him..

Thank god Yogi came at the right moment and signed on couple of papers ..The circle inspector bailed me after giving a long lecture..starting from responsible citizen to sexuality,society,crime and every possible topics.

So, how was the Pyasi Sheela part 2??Ha ha ha… you should have told me man. I know a DVD library and that fellow got nice collection… He started the car to drop me home.
Come on Yogi .. I went inside the theater compound to light a fag.. and that paanwalla was saying “picture super hit hai sir..maine char bar dekha”
We really laughed out loud.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

My Jacket

Chiti kodi sir!
one KR puram- I gave him 10 rupees and said. The conductor was sober... Actually I found him sober because he didn't ask me back "Enno??,Dus rupaya mein tereko pura KR puram chahiye??.
uff the traffic in bangalore is increasing day by day like Himesh Reshamiya's emotional songs. You have to face, you just can’t ignore as all the channels into a unspoken competition to play his songs You are just a helpless spectator..
After standing a long 5 minutes I finally got a seat when the bus halted at a stop...I put my jacket off and kept on my lap...aah what a relax. .The crowd inside the bus and traffic outside the bus was awesome.. Thank god now I can go aaram se till KR Puram..
A small girl age of 3-4 years was standing near to me with her mother. Both were well dressed, Girl was so cute and she has smiling eyes. I gave her a nice half open smile and looked outside of the bus. I have a very bad(?) habit of reading sign boards when I travel in a bus or car, where I am not driving.
“Excuse me baya (bhaiya) “ her mother said with a big colgate smile.
Yes – I said with an attitude that I can’t leave the seat for you now.
“choti bachhi ko asthama hee(hain) baya..manje maloom whitefield mein accha doctor rehti so(rehta hain),bachhi ko waha tak godi mein bethaleko baya” she merely said in a Shivaji Nagar accent.
I showed I have a bag and a jacket.. How can I…….
“Kya bi ni hota,bag aur jacket manje de dalo”
I gave my bag and the jacket to her and “ bachhi ko bethaliya sath mein.”
After some time she got a seat in the third row from my seat.. I was not having any problem with the little girl so I did not tell anything to her mother.
Uff another half an hour to reach KR puram.. Crowd was still same in bus arre channe ke tarah pakk gaya hu log kab utrenge???
“Whitefield whitefield” the bus conductor loaded his voice.
Most of the crowd got down at whitefield stoppage..but where is she??? I could not found that lady inside the bus. I was scared...then a huge lady who was seating near to the most wanted lady at that time for me came to me and said “thanks appa,has she irritated you?”
Magu navu illi iliona......( come child we will get down here).She pulled her child from my lap.

I was speechless just wondering why this lady telling thank you and asking the girl to come with her. I could not make out what exactly was happening.
“we will get down here, that lady was so sweet the place was very congested where I was seated she only came to me and helped me”
She said very confidently and got down from the bus.


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